Let’s talk about forgiveness. Not the kind that heals, but the kind that hurts—the grinding, teeth-clenching act of “letting go” while secretly clinging to the wound.
You’ve been told forgiveness is noble. Necessary. But what if I told you it’s a trap?
Here’s the truth: Forgiveness isn’t the solution. It’s the problem.
The Forgiveness Myth
We’ve been sold a lie: that forgiveness is the key to peace. But think—why do you need to forgive someone? Because first, you accused them.
You labeled them “wrong,” “hurtful,” “unfair.” You built a courtroom in your mind, tried them, and found them guilty. Now, you’re playing judge and saint, straining to “pardon” them.
But here’s the catch: Judgment comes first. Suffering follows.
Forgiveness doesn’t free you. It keeps you chained to the crime.
Radical Alternative: Stop Criminalizing
Imagine this: What if you never accused them in the first place?
People aren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. They did what they did because, in that moment, it’s all they knew. If they knew better, they’d have done better.
This isn’t excusing harm. It’s seeing clearly. When you stop expecting others to fit your script, you stop needing forgiveness. You just… let life be.
Example:
- Old way: “They betrayed me. I must forgive.”
- New way: “They acted from their limits. I act from mine.”
No judges. No trials. Just humans, flawed and fumbling.
How to Ditch the Drama (3 Steps)
- Delete the Script
Unrealistic expectations are silent killers. You want others to be kind, loyal, wise—like you. But they’re not you. They’re them. Let go of the fantasy. See them as they are, not as you wish them to be. - Choose Transaction, Not Transformation
You don’t need to “fix” people. Decide: Can you walk with them as they are? If yes, walk. If no, walk away. No guilt. No grudges. Just clarity. - Dig One Well, Not Ten Holes
Spiritual growth isn’t about trying every hack. It’s focus. Like digging for water—stop jumping from hole to hole. Sit. Breathe. Be. When you stop chasing “enlightenment,” you might just find it in the stillness.
The Keyboard to Your Inner World
Your mind and body are a supercomputer. But if you don’t know where the keyboard is, you’ll keep mashing buttons, wondering why nothing works.
Here’s the shortcut:
- Body: Treat it as a tool, not “you.” Feed it well. Move it joyfully.
- Mind: Stop claiming thoughts as yours. They’re borrowed. Let them pass like clouds.
When you stop identifying with your mental noise and physical cravings, peace isn’t something you find. It’s what’s left when you stop running.
The Invitation
Next time someone “wrongs” you, pause. Ask:
- “Did I expect them to read my mind?”
- “Am I holding them to a standard I don’t meet?”
Then, choose: Engage or walk. No forgiveness needed. Just honesty.
Final Truth:
You don’t heal by forgiving others. You heal by forgiving yourself for expecting life to be fair.
Let people be messy. Let yourself be free.